Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
