I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Drake has all the answers
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize