based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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