I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
