Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
