Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize