just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
