Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
