why didn't you poke me back
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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