I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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