we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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