If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
