They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
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