OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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