Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize