I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
