i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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