He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
