Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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