I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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