Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
