My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
