and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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