I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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