Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
