I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
