May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
