she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
