i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize