This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
