Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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