bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
