Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
