fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
