I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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