So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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