so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
