Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
