I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize