you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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