rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
