don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
