He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
