I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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