look no pants
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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