I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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