Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
