The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My vagina just clenched in fear
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
