i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
