did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize