Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
