We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
