dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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