why didn't you poke me back
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
