Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
