how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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