And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I wish there were birth control emojis
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
