i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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