after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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