Her vagina should come with caution tape.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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