I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize