To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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