Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
