You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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