eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
