This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
