yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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