drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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