Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
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