i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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