so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
