i love accidental penises.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
