That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I have aggressive nipples.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
