A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
